In her debut novel Tiger stripes dramatist Anna Sijbrands broaches a precarious theme: rape by a loved one. Young Eva gets involved with Antonio, a boy she has been friends with all her life, whom she loves and trusts. But on one fateful night when his lust is too strong, her 'no' loses out. 'Most of the people I spoke to for my book had never talked to anyone about their unpleasant experiences.'
'I always thought: I want to be an actor. Death or theatre! Here in Amsterdam I studied Theatre Science, in England and the United States I took acting courses. I finally found myself on stage, and then I noticed that I actually hated it. Why am I standing here waiting for applause? What do I want to prove and to whom? Besides, I had discovered that it's a tough world. "You are too beautiful for a supporting role and too ugly for a leading role", I was told by casting agencies. That appearance was so important, that I was always only concerned with that - I started to resent that.
Fever dream
During the corona epidemic, when the theatres were closed, I had a fever dream. It was hot, I was lying in my attic room and couldn't sleep well, felt restless. I flipped open my laptop and wrote four chapters of this novel in the middle of the night, just like that. It became a story about three - initially still four - families who see each other again every year during their holidays on a French mountain, I could immediately picture the characters completely. Eva and Antonio fall in love, but then he oversteps her bounds. I knew immediately that I wanted to write it from both their points of view.
For this book, I had conversations with about 30 people about sexually transgressive behaviour, with both women and men. When they talked about it, it was often accompanied by a feeling of release: wow, this happened. Some had never told anyone about it. Some stories shocked me. A few men admitted to having done something on occasion without knowing if they had consent. One man confessed that once he forgot to put a condom on, to which his girlfriend got very angry.
22 per cent
Besides, I have read a lot about it. In one particular survey, only 2 or 3 per cent of respondents admitted to ever having raped someone. Which of course cannot be true, given that 22 per cent of women between the ages of 18 and 24 experience sexual violence. But when asked "have you ever gone ahead when you were not sure if you had consent", one-third said "yes". One third!
I myself have experienced sexual transgression several times, all kinds of sexual assault. Someone at work who sat on my ass, men at parties who pushed their dicks against me. I also had a date once who wanted to touch my breasts. I told him he had no consent for that - it was the first time I used that word explicitly - but when he dropped me off at home, he grabbed my breast and squeezed it: "But ím allowed to do that, you know."
Self-determination
When you say so clearly that you don't want something and then someone does it anyway, it has a big impact. A piece of your right to self-determination is taken away. You have to regain that, you have to rebuild yourself, so to speak. My protagonist Eva experiences this very strongly.
So borderline behaviour or sexual violence has a huge impact on your life - sometimes you only realise later in life how big it really is. But many men hardly realise this. By writing the story from the perspective of both Eva and Antonio, I wanted to try to make that insightful.
Young and ignorant
Antonio realises deep down that he has done something wrong, but cannot deal with it at all. He uses drugs as an excuse, to avoid thinking and thus avoid confrontation with himself. The moment Eva tries to talk to him about it, you can see his inability to communicate and how he has become jaded by his drug use. He shies away from conversation and responsibility.
While writing, his temper got all over me; I became aggressive and worked up. I found that difficult. But I also find his inability to look at himself and ask for help a bit sad. Eva and Antonio are also just very young and ignorant to talk about these kinds of issues.
'Why are you whining?'
In the first or second year I was working on this book, I talked about it with a friend of my mother's. She said, "If we start seeing what Eve experiences as rape, almost every woman has been raped at some point." That was even before the law was changed. Wow, I thought, painful! Her comment clearly showed that for women of earlier generations, sexual violence within relationships was not considered rape. Insane, in my opinion. Sex was seen as a marriage condition: in exchange for a roof over your head, women had to spread their legs. In my head, I could already see myself at The World Turned Door sitting at the table with all older white men saying, "Nothing bad happens at all in that book anyway, why are you whining?"
In my head, I was having discussions about whether what happened to Eve was rape or not. Women are often accused of making it their own fault or of not making it bigger than it is. By the last part of the book, I caught myself starting to think the same about Eva and almost dislike her: come on, don't get so hung up on it. While of course it makes sense that this is something very big in her life.
Making calls
Most people I spoke to for my book had never talked to anyone about their bad experiences. They thought it's not bad enough - I didn't get beaten up, so it wasn't rape, that idea. While what they had experienced was indeed punishable under the law book. Only a few had gone to therapy to deal with it or had reported it. No one had followed through with the report.
I hope my book contributes to it being talked about more. A man in his 30s with whom I talked about it was so shocked by my stories that he started having conversations about it with his female friends; something he had never done before. My publisher has also started talking about it with his friends. That's a win.
Collecting 'No'
Teaching people at school to say no, but especially to take no for an answer, would help tackle this deep-rooted social problem. It is good that this new law is in place, that a greater social awareness is beginning to emerge that sexual acts must always involve consent. Men have now also been convicted of stealthing, taking off the condom. That is a movement in the right direction.
But the fact that whole groups of men are becoming increasingly conservative again and want to go back in time with women behind the kitchen counter, from those Andrew Tate supporters who believe that men should be dominant, I find incredibly worrying. We have to continue to fight against that. For that reason, I hope that my book, for example, will be on a high school reading list, so that young people who are not yet very sexually active but are about to become so, will be introduced to it. Stepping into the other person's shoes for a moment, looking at it from both sides, might help them understand each other better. Patriarchy is very harmful not only for women, but also for men, because they have to fit into a certain picture of "masculinity". I hope we can break that open.'
Anna Sijbrands (born 1998) studied Theatre Science at the University of Amsterdam and trained as an actress at The Oxford School of Drama and The Yale School of Drama. She worked as a dramaturge at Internationaal Theater Amsterdam, Het Nationale Theater and Frascati. For ITA, she translated the plays Prima Facie and Julie. With Tiger stripes she makes her debut as a writer.
