Luca Hennik found footing in music as Snowy Bleach: "I felt invisible for years."

After a difficult high school period, in which Luca Hennik (23) had to drag herself through periods of insecurity, failed relationships, difficult friendships and depression, she is now more confident. Music is her anchor and provides an outlet for her emotions. With her voice, she wants to touch people on a deeply personal level. As Snowy Bleach brought

Outspoken left-wing school

Luca grew up in a decidedly left-wing neighbourhood and attended a local primary school. "It's a very left-wing school in a very left-wing neighbourhood. It was quite elite. I had a great time in primary school, but everyone was incredibly focused on school and smart. I felt quite an outsider there."

She describes herself as a sassy and rebellious child. A striking contrast to the calm appearance she now has with her soft voice and a bedroom full of incense and crystals. "I had to stay late very often in primary school. I always thought school was a weird concept. That you have to be somewhere every day and do things a certain way. I've always felt very strongly that if something had to be done, then I just didn't want to do it."

The centrepiece

As a child, Luca therefore dreamed of applause and audiences, not of performing at school or compliments from the teacher. "I always wanted to be a singer or dancer. I was really very theatrical and always wanted to be the centre of attention. Her mother Annemarie also recalls how Luca had a remarkable sense of rhythm since young. "There was always music at our house, and she even liked classical music. She loved dance and rhythm; I soon noticed that she had a strong musical memory. If she heard a melody, she would easily hum it later."

In grade eight, Luca finally got her school recommendation, which turned out to be vmbo-basic. "My teachers always said I could easily do havo, but I was so difficult. So I ended up getting the recommendation for basic."

At home, her parents were still somewhat disappointed; they had hoped for more. "At that age, you are not concerned with those things. Childhood is supposed to be the most fun time, but school ruins it very much. The child's own is really taken away." That period had more impact on her self-image than she realised at the time, mostly due to the opinions of others. One thing was immediately clear though, she wanted to go to X11, the Utrecht secondary school for creatives. With her love of drawing, writing, dancing and painting, that choice felt like a logical step.

Silent zombie

The transition to secondary school was anything but smooth for Luca. The first year was especially hard. It was a period of loneliness and sadness. She struggled with her identity and made several attempts to belong and fit in with the group, yet she quickly became the outsider. "You really felt so much pressure that you had to belong somewhere, with the idea that otherwise you just don't survive. As a child, I was very outspoken, but I completely lost that. I became a silent zombie. My whole personality, the sparkle of it, was just gone."

Although she occasionally had friends, those friendships rarely lasted long. "I had times when I did have friends, but also times when I was alone. Then there were days when I didn't talk to anyone all day and started eating in the toilets because it was so confronting. Then I also developed depression." Her mother also noticed the struggle, "she found it difficult to connect and to say 'who am I really?' She was always searching. Like all adolescents, but she had that very strongly."

Blow and music

During secondary school, things did not get better, with her third year of school describing Luca as the worst year of her life. "I was very alone, had no friends, and my parents didn't come home until around eight or nine at night. I ate little and just felt nothing." Although a few teachers did notice that she was not doing well, very little changed. She still feels the pain of that time. She found grip in blowing and making music, means of escaping reality. "During that difficult period, I really started making music," she says. This then became her outlet and the way she could translate her emotions into music.

Produce your own

During her piano lessons, she gained more confidence in change, "I got piano lessons from someone who said to me, 'piano lessons are not really for you. You have to learn all sorts of things you don't feel like doing. You just have to make something that suits you.'". For Luca, those words are some of the most valuable advice she received during her depressive period. Thus, under the guidance of her piano teacher, she started making and producing her own music. As a result, everything suddenly fell into place: "A world opened up for me."

In her final year of high school, she knew for sure, she wanted nothing more than to make music, for herself, but also for others. She put aside her doubts and decided to take the next step for her further education, the pop academy. Although she had only just started discovering song-making, she applied for the producer course. "They actually said they were more likely to see me as a songwriter, so then I applied for that and I was accepted," she says. Out of 800 applications, only 30 were admitted."

This felt like a victory over her insecurities; she herself did not think it would work, but she had to try it on her own. "It gave me a sense of identity. I felt invisible for years."

Stage fright

She remembers her first real performance well and it took place during Kunstbende in Utrecht, a national competition for young creative talent. "I knew then that I was not necessarily very good, but I especially enjoyed trying. It was still amateurish, but also a great challenge. I knew I wanted to go to the pop academy and would have to perform a lot there."

Yet Luca still experiences stage fright, "I hate performing and would prefer not to be on stage." At the pop academy, she learned to deal with criticism. "They were really strict there you not only had to have a good song, but also a strong performance, an appropriate outfit, and your singing technique had to be good. Everything was judged. In the beginning I was hugely insecure, but I noticed at some point that I was getting better." A special moment that gave her a lot of confidence was an assessment from none other than Eva Simons who came by as a guest teacher and told her that her performance was Coachella-worthy.

Found himself

Her mother watched her slowly blossom again. "She didn't really fall into place in high school, but at the pop academy, she came into contact with like-minded people who loved music just like her. That's where she found herself. At her final speech at the graduation ceremony, she thanked the school that she had found herself."

Luca makes music under the name Snowy Bleach a reference to her favourite Disney princess Snow White, combined with the word "bleach" for a somewhat alternative feel. Although her sound falls mainly within the dreampop genre, she occasionally experiments with rock bands as lead vocalist.

Happy relationship

Her first songs were mostly about love. "At that age, I was mostly concerned with that. Whether someone wanted me or not, whether someone was cheating... I was dating guys a lot and also fall in love pretty quickly. Love always gave me a lot of inspiration. I was very addicted to men's attention," she says honestly. "At one point I got completely derailed because of that. That was after high school, because before that I actually got very little attention."

Her song "Please love me" reflects those feelings. "It's very much about seeking validation in men who just won't give it," she says. Meanwhile, she has been in a happy relationship with her boyfriend Dean for three years. "Luca is my first real love. I've had girlfriends before this, but this feels like the most real thing I've ever had. It's very serious and we can really be ourselves and work on each other. I've never had that before," her boyfriend says of the relationship.

Moving forward with more confidence

Luca has been feeling happy lately. "I am really happy lately. I really like getting older. I'm twenty-three now and it's just a fun time." She looks back on her path with pride. "I am very proud of myself. Even though sometimes it was very difficult, I always kept going. Then I still tried to make something of my life and of myself. I'm just happy about that and all the people who helped me, like my boyfriend, my mother and my grandmother."

Currently, Luca is studying psychology. She hopes to be able to help others later too. Her mother proudly watches her develop both as a person and as a future social worker. Luca continues to develop musically and recently released her latest EP The Black Sheep: a raw, personal reflection on tiring periods of life, with themes such as forgiveness without forgetting, broken trust, emotional distance, self-acceptance and the feeling of not belonging anywhere.