On aliens, being alone and (too) much feeling: 9 life questions to rapper Typhoon

When he was given a car to play with as a child, you wouldn't hear or see him all day. Because he does love people and likes to perform, but off-stage rapper Glenn de Randamie (32), aka Typhoon, prefers to be by himself. Then he has peace, humour and creativity for ten. 'The more alone I am, the better.'

 1. How sensitive are you?

I am very sensitive. I literally read between the lines: I hear and feel what people say, but also what lies underneath: what they feel, the things that are not said. Because I want things to go well for others, I find it difficult not to react to them, not to fix things. That sensitivity is something that costs me a lot of energy. Since Typhoon's success, that has only become more intense, because I have to deal with even more people. On stage, I can use the fact that I feel all those energies of people and respond to them, that's where it's a strength. But offstage, it's also my Achilles heel. At the end of the day, I'm just completely exhausted.

Isolation

I have to protect myself from that, and I do that by withdrawing. The contrast between my life on and off stage has become even greater in recent years than it already was. My mother sometimes worries that I isolate myself too much. I myself think: the more alone I am, the better. Especially in periods when I don't feel so strong - then I just don't attract all those people and their energies. There are often so many things going on that are not discussed. I don't always want to feel that.'

2. What hurts you?

'I shield myself from things that hurt me. My current theatre tour Moro Lobi [More Love] is partly about that bastion I have erected for myself, my protective layer. I keep myself busy, just to avoid dealing with things like heartbreak or pain. When something touches me, I initially bottle it up, because I am an inner eater. That has to do with my background - I am Surinamese. The Surinamese culture is not really a culture of discussion. My father comes from the countryside, he has always had to work very hard, was raised alone by his mother together with his brothers. That was a hard life.

Closed

That background worked its way into our family. We were not a cuddly family, nor was talking a habit. In 2004, I wrote my song 'Familiair', in which I talked about struggles in our family, about closeness and loneliness for instance. At first, my family did not thank me for that, but I did not want to deny myself and I had to express myself. I wanted our family to be able to talk about what was on our minds. That has changed a lot, in our family and in me. In recent years, I have learned to communicate more early and better. Not by becoming louder, but by being clear.'

3. Where do you feel at home?

'With myself. I used to be like this: if my mother gave me a car, I could play with it all day. I can be quite social, but the more I keep to myself, the more I like it. I need a lot of space for my creativity. When I am on my own, I have peace. And then I talk to God as if he were my homie is. I am not religious, but I am spiritual. So I don't believe in a man with a grey beard; for me, God is unlimited consciousness. Life force. Energy. That from which everything was born. Talking to God for me is actually talking to myself.'

4. What are you most insecure about?

'About myself, that I don't give enough, that I'm not enough. Or just too much. Part of that has to do with my skin colour, with discrimination. Of course, I can try not to take a lot of things personally, but at the same time I am a black young man in a white society. I regularly face discrimination, and that makes me insecure. Last year, I was in the news when police officers stopped me in my car because of my skin colour. And most recently I received a message via Facebook: someone called me his "favourite nigger". You are a good one nigger, he wrote. Wow! And probably he was really trying to say something positive!

Racism

This is precisely why I get involved in the social debate, because there is so much ignorance behind discrimination. You have to distinguish between a racist and racist comment. Supporters of Zwarte Piet are not necessarily racists, but the celebration as we know it does have racist elements. I want to show people why something can be offensive or hurtful, and for that you need a historical framework. If you don't know where someone comes from and what their story is, how can you empathise with them? Our tolerance needs a makeover. Because I now have a voice and a platform, and know that I can make some jars, I am speaking out about that.'

 5. What is the biggest contradiction in yourself?

'In the issue Sky falls I say, "Giving love is easy, but receiving it is of a different calibre." I am not an easy one. I move like ebb and flow: open, closed, open, closed again. If I let you into my core, the love is persistent, but it takes a very long time with me before I really trust someone. My love for humanity is great, at the same time I don't trust love one hundred per cent. Because when it really comes down to it, hardly anyone will be completely altruistic.

Self-love

For the album Lobi da Basi [Love is the Boss] I went to see for myself what that was like for me about love. Not being able to trust others completely is of course a reflection of what is going on inside me. A friend pointed out to me that I lacked love for myself. That was an eye-opener for me. Where that lack of self-love comes from? I think it was partly passed on through my family history of black people. For example, my great-grandmother was born on a slave plantation. People had to be ashamed of who they were.

A few years ago, I suffered burnout. I was used to always giving and giving. I wanted everyone to be happy, so if I had to be the clown for that, I was the clown; if I had to be the philosopher or psychologist, I was the philosopher or psychologist. I did whatever it took to make other people happy out of a kind of overcompensation for not being able to give enough to myself.

More self-love

The journey I am on now, and where Moro Lobi is about, is a path to greater self-love. Understanding is one and accepting yourself is two, but going to embody that change is three. I have to give it a place without the waterbed effect, where you push something to one side but it then reappears somewhere else.'

6. What trait do you value most in a loved one?

'I like women who are kind of aliens are. Powerful and talented women who actually don't quite find their niche in the mainstream, who don't fit within the standard picture. If they can find their oddness, their otherness, can embrace it with humour... yes, I love that trait. Such women I meet regularly - I think you attract what you recognise in yourself.

Weird dude

I'm a bit of a weirdo dude, and I'm okay with that. How shall I explain it... I go to Scheveningen and talk to the sea. Just like I don't quite understand myself sometimes, I often don't understand other people and how we live here. That can sometimes make me feel very dark and then I withdraw myself completely. But at other times I can actually see the joke of it, then it's light. There is a lot of humour in my thought world.

Currently, I am not in a relationship. I have had two longer relationships, the second of which ended in the summer of 2014. Only now am I a bit okay with that. As I said, you don't get to my core easily, but áf you're in my heart, it's persistent. When I love someone, it takes a very long time for that to wear off and I don't manage to open up to someone.'

7. What is your fondest childhood memory?

'I remember a Saturday when I had played a tournament in football. My father played in a marching band and in the evening we were supposed to go and listen with our family. I was so tired that I rested one ear in my mother's lap and heard beautiful brass arrangements with my other.

Security

That memory symbolises security and musicality: mum the lap, dad the music. Although I cannot play an instrument, my musical hearing is very good. That, I think, is why I can work with such good musicians. Although I cannot talk in musically technical terms, I am always surprised at how well they understand me. Even when I explain something in a very fuzzy way, they nod: 'Yeah, man. We speak the same language.'

8. What is the worst thing someone has ever said to you?

'That I am the devil. The person said that because I touched her to her core and she found that too intense. She was no longer in control of herself. I was dumbfounded. We all have our light and dark sides - me too; I am an intense person. But calling me the devil went too far for me. If I have this effect on you, we should stop dating, I said. You only say something like that to me once. I'm a Leo: I forgive, but I don't forget.'

9. What big dream do you cherish?

'That's simple: having kids! Kids and a goat, that's my dream. It's hard work, I know that too, but I see so much humour in kids.... That attracts me. I'm looking for my own little farm with lots of space, so I can see that for me. Having kids is more of a dream than having a relationship.

Two thousand years

Then I come back to the characteristic of a woman that I value most. If I meet a woman who is like me in life, and has an inexhaustible drive to learn about herself and life, we could be in a relationship for two thousand years. But then the relationship is not the end in itself. For many women, their relationship is, and I really don't get that. That idea of: I want to build a future with you and then we do this and then this and then that... Call me weird, but I just don't understand it. It doesn't come to me.'