For five years, writers Maartje Wortel and Niña Weijers walked endless laps through the Oosterpark every day. When that suddenly came to an end, Wortel was suddenly confronted with herself in a big way. 'As far as I felt, I had nowhere to go'.
Cheerfully waving, Maartje Wortel (38) approaches, a full bag of groceries in hand. 'Not handy no, for a walking interview,' she observes, laughing. 'I'm often a bit impulsive, doing things without thinking things through beforehand. I passed a supermarket on my way here and thought: quickly get a few more things. But yes, now I'm running with it.'
Ten o'clock in the morning, a crisp spring day. At the entrance to the Oosterpark, we are rushed past by a cyclist. At the request of publisher Van Oorschot, Maartje Wortel wrote a booklet for the series Terloops about her daily walk with her best friend Niña Weijers through this park, which used to be almost her backyard. The groove is called, and it is about a difficult year. Because those daily walks came to an end because of Weijers' move, and Maartje Carrot's life also turned upside down in other ways. The groove is a story about holding on and letting go, about friendship and grief, about where you can still feel a grip when everything is teetering.
Why did the end of the walks have such a big impact on you?
'In a way, I am quite conservative: I like things in my life, like friendships, love, my home, to stay the same. I already had that as a child; for example, I hated it when girlfriends went on holiday. I can only feel completely free within a clear, fixed structure. In fact, I cling to all kinds of things and people. But last year was a period when suddenly a lot changed. Niña moved out, I had heartbreak because my relationship went out, and then we also had a pandemic. Because of the lockdown, I couldn't go dancing or have a cuddle with anyone. To my mind, I had nowhere to hold on.'
What did that do to you?
'I felt trapped inside myself. It was as if a small layer of ice came over me, and I had to scratch first to access my thoughts and feelings. I live alone and, of course, as a writer, I work alone, and so I am also alone in my breaks. But this walking we did together, every day, often even several times a day. I became melancholic and sad at the thought of our ritual being over. The walking itself, of course, I could do alone. But the division was such that we walked and I talked and talked and talked, about my worries, dreams and struggles. And she listened. I have a restless body and a restless mind. Niña is much more thoughtful and reflective than I am. Her calm presence was very reassuring for me.'
The groove is about standing still and moving, stuck in patterns and progress. Your walks were like the groove in a plate, deepening with each round. And the deeper the groove, the less progress you seemed to make in your life.
'At one point I heard myself talking, about love and relationships, for example, and what I found difficult about it all. And Nina said: ''Yes dear, you said exactly the same thing two years ago, but then about someone else''. I literally and figuratively walked the same circles over and over again. With each lap I got deeper into that groove. By the way, I also see the humour in that, that we keep bumping into the same walls. I also see it around me: more people are stuck in a certain pattern, or in the picture they have made of themselves or their lives. As a human being, you have a certain shape, which is hard to escape from. I like that too.'
Another round
We are back at the entrance. Maartje Root raises her head and looks around. Her slender fingers are now purple from the cold and lugging the shopping bag, but that should not spoil the fun. 'That's normal, you know,' she says cheerfully. 'Another round?'
So why did you want to break out of it?
'It was also oppressive. I always thought I was pretty good at living; that I was pretty free. But I began to realise that I was mostly living by the idea of how life should be for me. I have a fairly compulsive nature, a touch obsessive. Right now, for instance, I like someone. So then I sit on my phone all day, waiting to hear from her. True freedom means that you allow life as it comes, without directing or undermining it all the time. I struggle with that. I suddenly felt very clearly that this was getting in the way of my growth. That's why it's good that sometimes circumstances force you to change. I am often focused on the wrong thing. That takes a lot of energy. Niña always says I'd be better off putting that energy into writing, and she's right about that. Then I think I would write much thicker books. Maybe even a masterpiece!'
In the book, you mostly seem like a walking head.
'That's right. Most of those walking books are also about what happens outside the writer. But with me, it's about language, and asphalt. Walking is a physical activity, but actually I totally ignored that physical aspect. Niña pointed out to me at one point that I was always walking with my head down. I didn't see anything of this whole park for five years!
That is really changing now, partly because I am visiting a haptonomist. I no longer just live in my head and thoughts, but feel more connection with my body. I see more, feel more. As a result, I am also starting to experience my limits better, because your body actually indicates very clearly what you feel and want. That makes me calmer. I can now more easily be alone and reassure myself. At the same time, I experience a deeper connection with others and my environment. That gives me more self-confidence and makes me freer.'
The groove So is also a metaphorical story?
'It does feel like that. It's about me, but I didn't want it to be all about me. I think the booklet symbolises the present time, a time of stagnation and being stuck. What happens to you then? Some people feel a tremendous need to move away from that, while others lapse into lethargy. I hope the story shows that it is not good to stay stuck in something if fear drives it. It can be liberating to break free from your own ideas and give life a little more free rein. That gives space.'
The park is now quite busy. A few budgerigars are chirping in the trees, the fountain gurgles in the pale sunlight. 'What do you think,' she says, 'shall we do another round?
Good to knowMaartje Root, The Groove, Van Oorschot, €12.50.
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