Star. Five times. And then Symphony Orchestra.

Five-star Symphony Orchestra. This is how the Dutch Symphony Orchestra will be called next season. The former Orkest van het Oosten tried to become 'Dutch' but faced a lawsuit from the Philharmonic Orchestra, which was already 'Dutch'. 'Politics should get involved in the legal process. Because it can't go on like this. This is costing tons of money.' Says Harm Mannak.

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The director of the former Orchestra of the East is really fed up. But what exactly is he fed up with? That judges make rulings based on facts? That judges decide time and again that the name change to Dutch Symphony Orchestra should be undone. Content-wise, there was already no profession more possible. So let's start proceedings on the merits. Costs a bit, but then you have -

Oh wait, nothing at all.

And then you have to change your name, at least for the time being. You don't want to. But then another ruling follows:

The Enschede-based Het orkest van het Oosten remains prohibited from using the name Nederlands Symfonie Orkest. The Amsterdam court of appeal ruled this today, in an appeal filed by the Netherlands Philharmonic Orchestra.

The Netherlands Philharmonic Orchestra opposed the name change initiated by The Orchestra of the East in 2011/2012 objection because the use of the name was agreed upon in 1996/97 between the directors of the two orchestras. According to the court, the Orchestra of the East erred in believing that it was no longer bound by an earlier judgement made by the court in this dispute in June 2013.

And then you shout that surely we shouldn't want that in the Netherlands: 'It's about time politicians thought of it. This only costs the cultural sector money.' As an act of defiance, you call yourself *****Symphony Orchestra. That will teach the court! Perhaps @#%*!>? Symphony Orchestra would have been better.

[Tweet "Perhaps @#%*!>? Symphony Orchestra would have been better."]

No idea how far the power of Enschede's culture councillor Marijke van Hees goes, but influencing ground proceedings seems a bit high. It's the upside-down world. Piling legal proceedings on legal proceedings, but when you are proven wrong, shouting that this is a waste of money. Even the GeenStijl-affiliated Das Kapital on.

It is beginning to look like the proverbial cat in the corner. More and more, it is becoming painfully apparent that it is far too ambitious business plan of the Netherlands Symphony Orchestra is not feasible. But the plan can't be faulted. And so we now hear that especially the name is crucial for the orchestra: 'It is an important part of the strategy, which is based on a business model in which the dependence on the central government is gradually reduced.'

The *****Symphony Orchestra, in an attempt to disguise the management's failure, creeps into the victim role: 'Because the judges want to take away our name, we cannot achieve our objectives. Help us, politicians, especially if we have to ask for money again soon.'

For example, because we have yet to launch nonsensical proceedings because newspapers refuse to print five stars by default in reviews of our performances. You can see it happening. And yes, it does sting that the Enschede opera company that wanted to take over the ***** Symphony Orchestra is allowed to change its name to Nederlandse Reisopera. With money to spare.