For RTL Boulevard reporter Ruud ten Wolde (29), these weeks would be dominated by his book Sick happy, which comes in at number 1 in the Bestseller 60 this week, in which he writes about his illness and the insights it brought him. Although he had been ill for six years, he still died suddenly recently. We spoke to him five days earlier - it became the last interview before his death.
That things were not going well for Ruud ten Wolde became apparent earlier. He is unexpectedly in hospital, it is uncertain whether an interview will work out, reports his publisher. But he decides it can be done anyway. On Monday 4 October. And by phone - that takes less energy. Ruud ten Wolde has had cancer for six years. 'But I don't feel I'm going to die any time soon,' he says on the phone.
How are you doing at the moment?
'Until about three weeks ago, things were going pretty well. For work I was in Antwerp, we were doing casting for Ex on the Beach. On the last day, when I didn't feel very well, I thought I was hungover from the closing party. But a day later, I was still suffering from nausea and headache, and then I developed pain in my back and symptoms of failure. Back in the Netherlands, it turned out that in some places the tumours had increased. I got extra heavy medication, could hardly eat anything for a fortnight. I had imagined this period differently, with all the fun PR moments surrounding the appearance of my book.'
Your book is about how to stay positive while having cancer. How do you do that?
'I mainly look at what can be done. Although that is not the same as being happy all the time. Yesterday, for instance, I was wóédend because my body was not cooperating again. Now it is the right side of my body that is letting me down. I will have to train and rehabilitate a lot to get everything working again. All day, I lie in bed. I am 29, but I feel 90. That's confronting.'
Do you always manage to stay positive?
No, yesterday was a low point; I yelled at my family and boyfriend that this is driving me absolutely crazy. Then I couldn't stop crying for 15 minutes or so. That my situation is terrible is a truth I have to acknowledge. Sometimes I have to let feelings in for a while and then pick myself up. I've had periods when I couldn't eat, so much pain I was in. Now I am not very mobile, but I am not in pain and fortunately I can eat well. I count such blessings.'
What does the future look like for you?
'Last week I was given such heavy medication that I no longer knew who I was and every hour I asked what day it was and when I would get my scan. Those around me thought: how long is this going to last? Last year, I was told that healing is no longer possible, but I don't concern myself with prognoses. I live by the thought that I am going to grow old.'
Is being seriously ill lonely?
'Yes. However kind everyone is to me, íI have to go on the operating table, íI have to undergo those treatments. Friends eventually go home, get on with their lives. That is normal, but also difficult. I have the best job in the world, a nice relationship and a nice house - I am very happy. The only thing that constantly limits me is my health. Therefore, I do, eat and drink whatever I feel like at the times I feel good.'
You don't care whether that's wise or not?
'Two years ago I received heavy immunotherapy, I had inflammations everywhere and could hardly eat for months. Since then, I enjoy every bite. Even chips and mayonnaise. That's not healthy, but enjoying it is. Of course, I sometimes get angry with myself if I have a hangover after a festival. But then I turn it around: I had such a nice day'.
You write that you are even happier than before you were ill.
'I often hear people complain about having to go back to work, but for me a normal working day is ultimate happiness. Often we have to face finality or unhappiness to realise what really matters. I hope my book will help people think about their lives and not have to go through what I went through first. In my circle of friends, there are people who have jobs they don't really like, but keep them because of the money. Life is too short for that. I choose to do now what I like. So if I want to go to Barcelona for a weekend with my boyfriend, we go. I no longer spend my money on the latest phone, but on dinners with friends, sitting together on a terrace. Those are the moments that matter.'
You have benefited a lot from psychotherapy. What has that brought you?
'I struggled with coming out of the closet, my parents' divorce and now my illness. Therapy gave me the opportunity to process that. My boyfriend and I went into couples therapy. He is 25 and I am 29, but because of everything we are going through, it sometimes feels like we have been married for 50 years. It's important to discuss openly and honestly with each other how this is for both of us.'
Do you also deal with fears or concerns of others differently now?
'The way you deliver a message determines the responses you get back. In the beginning, I sometimes forwarded a message from a doctor. If the charge was heavy, I got back heavy reactions. But I have no use for a comment like, "My cousin also had a lump and now he is dead" or "my brother had that too". I have more use for hopeful stories. Now I think first about what and how I share something. Because all I can use is positive support.'
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